I hardly ever notice discussions about Open Marriages. I’m not looking for arguments just opinions/discussions. To my knowledge there are two types of open marriages, one known as Swinging or Wife Swapping where a married couple finds another Married Couple to meet up with and have sexual relationships with in front of each other. The other known as Polygamist or Poly where the spouses could openly have other girlfriends and or boyfriends but do not perform there acts in front of each other.



The argument for this of course has a lot to do with freedom to do, as you would choose to do with consenting adults. I have talked to many adults that tell me that this has improved there relationship with there spouse. They No longer a fear of there spouse cheating they describe as betrayal or going behinds ones back



With Swingers, they have mentioned that to there surprise-seeing there spouse with another has aroused them even more. For those who have tried it and could not handle the thought of it soon got out of it.



Of course, it only really works if both parties totally agree with the idea, the conditions placed on it, and one does not high-pressured the other into it. It’s important that both parties are open and mature enough to handle such a relationship.



In my opinion this goes along with Natural Law, you can love one and still have sexual desires for others. My husband and I have tried it just before we got engaged to get married. After 9 years of living together, we thought we would try swinging. First, we had many of our own hang-ups to overcome. Once we accomplished that, we found a couple began double dating and had a night my husband and I still talk about to this day. It had improved our relationship that had become somewhat stagnated. We appreciated each other even more.



However, before entering this type of relationships it’s important to set boundaries that need to be followed. When the female of the other couple began to cross those boundaries, we quickly terminated the relationship. My husband and I have often talked about doing it again truth be known I would rather lose about 75lbs before I am comfortable enough to do it again.



Now that you all know, my “Dirty Little Secret” I am not ashamed of I just wondered what others stands or positions are on Open Marriage. By the way on that day when I went to what I considered myself as bi-curious to bi-sexual. Sincerely Penny. (No, I have not told my Mom yet)

There is a word called "fidelity" that might come to mind. I pledge my fidelity, that is, to be true and honest with the person I have chosen to be with. Just as I have pledged my fidelity to God and none other. I will not worship another God, nor would I dream of minimizing or diminishing my love and fidelity to my partner.

And if you are okay with what you have done, then why are you afraid to tell your mom? Personally, I think it is a statement of being dissatisfied or unhappy with the person you are with. But if you think it's okay..... well....carry on.....God's Peace....To`na Wanagi

The other known as Polygamist or Poly where the spouses could openly have other girlfriends and or boyfriends but do not perform there acts in front of each other.

I think the word is "Polyamorist." I have two friends who are Poly. Both are women who have a legal husband and an "other love" in the same house. It seems to work for them. While polyamory isn't for me, I don't have any objection to other people doing it.

I understand how you feel and where you’re coming from. Really for the most part, I believe for most people "fidelity" is probably best. Other than that one time in our lives, we have not done anything else. At that time in our relationship, it did need some sprucing up a bit.

The reason I do not tell my Mother has nothing to do with shame. I love my Mom I do not find it necessary to tell her. She knows many controversial things that I have done in my past. I do not really feel like explaining this to her. She assumes things and I do not feel the need to go into detail. She has nothing against homosexuals. However, I do not tell her that I am bi-sexual because of how she reacted when she found that out about my sister June. I will not lie about it. I just have not found a good reason to tell her.

My main focus on life remains a constant connection with My Creator. That comes first. I spend many days working on discovering my true self the real me. What I am naturally that my creator created and not something made up of what society believes I should be.

At this point, I do not have an interest in another man because really my husband mesmerizes me. However, that does not mean later on down the road I may want to try something different for the excitement. It does not mean that I’m not satisfied just like something more than pizza everyday. Truthfully, I am more excited over watching my husband. However, I do not want to go too far into that.

Turn offs for me on this first of all that I really am not into the bar scene sometimes I like to go for something different but really to go all the time gets me down. I have not been to one in years. It has been years sense my husband and I have done the swing thing. (I am contemplating going to a regular bar to write an article for the paper here.) At the time we did this others at the swingers bar just assume if you’re into swinging your free to touch. I did not like that. I enjoyed the dating and that one magical night. Than of course, the woman on the couple that Tom and I dated crossed the line. She wanted to spend time with my husband alone during a time usually reserved for me. Tom and I would often meet at a restaurant before he would go to work and when he would come home. This woman wanted to meet with Tom on Tom’s way to work (my time). Of course wanting to meet with him alone also crossed the line. That then ended the whole thing as I then put my foot down.

Even until this day, nether Tom or I consider what we did being unfaithful or cheating or infidelity. We both agreed on this action not one pressured the other. It all done out in the open (for each other) it enriched our relationship. We did not hide anything from each other. We have been true and honest to each other.

Your right it is not for everyone. People should not do it if they feel uncomfortable with this or anything else. Especially If it feels like cheating or infidelity than one should not do it. I am just putting it out there for two reasons. One reason because no one talks about that subject. Two because that’s something I’ve done that may or may not be accepted by others as a minister I want be open about who I am if I’m accepted great if I’m not will at least I know it. I do not feel like I have to hide anything from my ministry.
I do appreciate your views on this, I appreciate that even though you have opposing feeling on it you still accept me for who I am thank You Penny.

I think your right on that word. I wasn’t quite sure and I used thesaurus to try to figure it out…lol.. I appreciate your view on this. I believe the true test of one’s character is when you can look at someone whose life style maybe different and not pass judgment on them.



I find it important for all of us too live, our true life. Society has in many ways beaten up people who choose a lifestyle that does not fit there viewpoint of norm or righteous. I think we choose life styles because of something within that drives us there. This maybe something that we have not fulfilled within ourselves or something we denied about ourselves. I believe when we deny certain things about ourselves it grows deeper inside until we feel a need to relieve it than end up doing something harmful. I would much rather my husband and I be open and honest with each other and do something in front of each other than to do something behind each others back. That one night was all we needed so far. Believe me at that time we needed it. In fact, that night brought us closer.



You are truly a beautiful woman inside and out. I have seen your picture before on this site. I love your smile.



To me in life right now The most important thing is that I am truly connected with God or as I call God “The ultimate form of Energy that created us all” or “The All”



In order to do this I must be true to myself, true to God, the more I am true to myself and true to God the more at peace within. I find that I want to share that peace and love with others.

Thank You Have a Nice Day Sincerely Penny

Penny,
Hello saw your post and had to pipe in. Im New here on this site and yours was the first post that came up. On your subject I have to give you thumbs up! I can relate to what you wrote and also what you mean. I feel the same way but have yet to do anything about it. I have made it known to my wife of 15 years and it is like you said it is a process. I could not agree with you more on that. As far as what other people thing I ask you this..Do you really care what others think is it going to effect your life? Point is if people cant deal with it thats none of there concern..
You stated things were stagnent and it had brought exictment back. thats a good thing no matter what. It was something you and your other did TOGETHER and thats is the real point.
If it brought you close together and it brings pleasure to you both I say do it over and over again! fact is you love your other and your other loves you and that is the one thing that you have for a lifetime.
Ps ..Like I had sai I am new here so Im not a fanatic throwing things around these are my oppinions and I think it took a lot of guts to post what you did and I have the greatest admiration and respect for you.
Mike...
BY THE WAY I NOTICED YOU LIVE IN TEXAS SAME HERE WE ARE CLOSE TO EACH OTHER ( I AM IN WYLIE)

Dear Penny,

Please don’t worry about being accepted here. You are right, there may be some ministers who don’t agree with what you do, but there are others who may, but please don’t confuse those who don’t agree with those who won’t accept you. We all have various experiences and come from a very diverse background. You may even find yourself surprised at times just how diverse we can be! Lol.
Personally, the lifestyle and choices you have described are not for me either, but my faith allows me the freedom to love you and leave judgment to my God.
When a spouse has an affair, it is unfair to their partner as it is their trust, love, and loyalties that have been misplaced. But in your case, you have both agreed to these extramarital activities and are therefore aware and responsible. In my opinion, if NO ONE is harmed, then you have the right to live your life as you see fit. But when you invite others to share your marital bed, it is not just you and he that must be considered when determining what harm may come of these activities. (Just thought I’d throw that in there for further consideration).
I am neither condoning nor condemning your choice, just merely stating a fact.

God’s blessings,

Rev. Campbell.

I can't answer the poll it doesn't have a box to check for my opinion.

I am happily married to one woman. I doubt I could handle more though male polygamous marriage is expressed as the norm scriptural and therefor not a sin.

That said, the bible and Jewish law both allow for a man to have many more than one wife. There are a number of reasons this is not a terrible idea. I won't go into them. Only in one spot does the bible actually suggest that one wife is plenty and it was the man talking (by license) and not God himself saying it was the way. It was also said that ministers would best be single rather than devote part of "his" life to serving any other than God. Neither ministers living unmarried nor to have only one wife was a commandment of God.

This said Polygyny (which is a man having children with more than one woman) is endorsed in scripture for both Jews and Christians. Polyandry, or a woman having multiple husbands (this would seem to have benefits but with the cost of critically reduced numbers of offspring) is otherwise not endorsed by Jewish and Christian scriptures. Women were to have a single male breeding partner for life anything else was forbidden except for the pagan temple prostitutes.

Swinging or shared marital infidelity is also not endorsed at all in scripture. It was clear that a woman was to devote herself to one man if she were to follow the Jewish law. Men were not to have women that were married to other men either. Both are forbidden in the bible and the Torah.

This all said, If you are not Jew or Christian; there seems to be less out there forbidding swinging than there is a man having more than one spouse.

The one man one woman breeding arrangement is a pagan (or non-jewish/christian) belief that has infiltrated most churches and synagogues in much the way the Easter-bunny has more recently. Therefor anyone judging or convicting any for having practiced polygamy is in fact committing an unchristian sin themselves by following pagan rituals. I guess this means that we should try not to condemn those we do not understand and should be pleasant should we attempt to persuade others that they are sinning.

I am going to get on my soapbox for just a moment...

Polyandry--more than one man
Polygyny--more than one woman
Polygamy--more than one mate of either gender

Polygamy does not mean "more than one wife." A "polygamist" can have more than one wife, or more than one husband, or a mixed bag. It's technically correct, I guess, to call that situation "polygamy," but it's like calling a square a rectangle. True, a square is conceptually a rectangle, but we say "square" when we mean the one with sides equal. Why don't people use "polygyny" to refer to exclusively multiple wives? It bothers me...it's as if some language concept has been artificially manipulated, to the point of "goodspeak" and "doubleplusungood."

I agree with Number Seven, however “doubleplusungood” is a new one on me?! ...ummm, what? Lol.
Quoting scripture is fine for those who follow scripture, however preaching scripture to those who have no interest or belief can be a questionable pursuit. We cannot put our own values on someone else, and expect those values to be prized as we hold them. My personal belief is that we all are set upon a path of a divine design, and in time, we will all find our way home. When, where, how, or even why is not information we are generally privy to. This being said, it is also my belief that no one has completed their path till the last of their breath, and so till that moment is upon them, there is no right to judge, as their work is not yet finished.( Their work being who and what they have become and what they had left to complete). Does one know when their simple smile and warm “hello” has disarmed a man who was planning a mass murder-suicide spree? Do you know exactly how giving your seat away to the pregnant woman on the packed bus may have saved millions of others in the world? How do you know she was not in labor and had no other way of getting to the hospital other than the bus, and the child, who thanks to you, arrived safely into the world and later found the cure for Aids, Cancer, Diabetes, or all the above? We know precious little the results of our ripples in the ocean, and because this is so, we have no way of righteously judging as God. Hypocrisy is ramped in our time, and to judge others before we ourselves are perfected is exactly that.
There are they, who have for centuries, used scripture to defend their own agenda. But in the two commandments given us by Jesus, lay no alibis.

God’s blessings,

Rev. Campbell.

That was from George Orwell's "1984." The idea was that limiting language also limits the ideas that people can think about. By substituting "ungood" as the only available language concept for "bad," people stop thinking about "bad" on its own. "Doubleplusungood" was one way the government in the book limited thought through language. You couldn't even think "worst," "awful," or "wrong," because there was no way to express it. I have that same feeling when I hear "polygamy" substituted for "polygyny." It's as if the entire concept of multiple spouses has been co-opted into "multiple wives," as if no other form of multiple marriages could be considered.

I didn't mean to threadjack, lol.

Dear Number Seven,

That was awesome! . I really like that one.
Though the concept suggested by the book you quoted may have been intended for thought and entertainment, the concept itself is sound. Not that I believe that is the way things should be, but rather by evidence that government and politicians use this method faithfully. The book may have used words such as “doubleplusungood”, we today simply refer to such as “doubletalk”! . Enough twisting of the language till all meaning is rendered as ineffective as they are.
Love the quote! I enjoyed this very much.

God’s blessings,

Rev. Campbell.

Hi
My name is juniper and I am a recently ordained minister. I just performed my first ceremony for some friends, and I really enjoyed it. I have never posted anything to this kind of forum before, but I noticed this topic, and felt compelled to comment.
My son has been polyamourous for the last 8 years. He is now in a permanent relationship with a traditionally married couple. They have been together for about five years now as afamily group, and I have a 2 year old grandson.
The relationship is loving and caring, and I feel that my grandson has a wonderful extended family who love him.
I still have some difficulty accepting this arrangement, and I worry about the rights of the children,( there are three total)
I would appreciate any input anyone might have in this regard.