I have been asked to perform a wedding for an atheist and his agnostic bride-to-be. Has anyone performed a ceremony of this kind, or should I just do the "Justice of the Peace" ceremony and leave out the word God? Any suggestions would be appreciated....Thank you!....To`na Wanagi

Dear To`na,

I have never performed any wedding ceremony, nor do I intend to, however, it is possible that though the groom and bride-to-be are Atheist and Agnostic respectively, they may wish for a more traditional ceremony in respect of their families. Personally, I think it would be best to consult them and know their wishes.
Just a thought!

God's blessings,

Rev. Campbell.

Nope. They were both adamantly opposed to incorporating any mention of God or spirituality whatsoever. I spoke to them earlier today about it and they said they respect others for their religious/spiritual positions, but that was definitely not for them. They want it plain, simple and legal without God involved. I plan to give them a plain Certificate of Marriage suitable for framing but wthout any glitz or Godly imagery. My problem is that the weddings/civil unions I have performed have all been deeply spiritual. This one sort of threw me off balance. I think the J of P selection will be best suited for them as they have written their own vows to one another. I'm just making it legal and signing the documents.

Why won't you perform weddings? Because of Canadian law not recognizing the ULC? Just curious....God's Peace and Love....To`na Wanagi

Well...that's part of it, but even if Canadian law permitted, I still don't think I would. I really have no interest in that aspect of ministry. In fact, I think the only ceremony I would be comfortable to serve in would be a baptism. Even then, it would be adult baptisms.
In truth, at first when I became a minister, I was upset with the limitations put upon my ministry by my country. But through my need to serve, I found that there were so many other ways to serve God and His people. In the end, I didn't miss those things forbidden me, and was pleasantly surprised by the gratification I had found in the many works I can do.
Because of the kind of minister I am, I would have to turn away too many people anyway. I believe that a marriage, though legal, still requires a commitment to each other and to God. For those who rather a JP kind of ceremony, I would have to direct them to the JP or another minister who performs that type of service. I see no reason for a Christian minister to perform a ceremony devoted to nothing but the legal aspects of it.
Basically, as I see it, weddings are the least of the services I could provide, and so I really don't feel any need to perform any. But that is just my take on it, I am happy for anyone else who wishes to provide these services and are able. And since you seem to have found your own answer to your question, I will pray for a wonderful experience for you and the couple you are about to marry.

God's blessings,

Rev. Campbell.

I understand your position, but I am a non-denominational minister of many paths/spirits (per my name; "To`na Wanagi"). Also, this couple has been together over 5 years and they wish to solidify their commitment to one another through the act of marriage and establish a firm legal foundation for their futures together.

As for the kind of minister I am, I don't refuse any request for any type of services, but I don't solicit or advertise. Any of God's work comes to me through word of mouth or references from people who have used my services and/or know me personally.

Actually, I haven't found the answer to my question since I would really like to do something more special for them than the JP type ceremony. Maybe I'll take some artistic license and create my own ceremony. But I'm sure open to anyone who has performed this type of service before and would appreciate their input. And thank you for yours.....God's Peace.....To`na Wanagi

I just PM'ed you a set of vows I performed 2 weeks ago that may fit your situation.
Hope it helps.

atheist get wedded?
but they probully dont believe in staying together.... lol

Eh, same as any other wedding/marriage statistics. They don't believe in staying together either. Except the ones that should get divorced...they stay together! Ahh well, what's a minister to do? God's Peace....To`na Wanagi

Perhaps the only part you need to do is the I do... they can come up with there own wedding vows. There are a lot of couples who do that… I think it can be very romantic. Good Luck,,,I'll pray for guidance for you and your couple. Sincerely Reverend Penny

Obviously,

With Atheists there is no spiritual bonding to recognize with a wedding. So I am curious why they just don't do a civil union ceremony?

Not to say that a wedding ceremony is bad for them just blatant curiosity of why not the other since it seems more appropriate...


Does anyone here know why an atheist would go through a wedding ceremony verses the other?

Atheists travel in social circles too, and having your group recognize and celebrate your formal commitment is nice. There is the aspect of a wedding that is traditional, and atheists can certainly participate in a cultural ritual. Also, just because atheists don't run around saying "god this" and "god that" doesn't mean that they don't make and honor promises. They might want to make more substantial vows to each other than those offered by law in a civil ceremony.

I am confused slightly here... does this mean that even with out the religious beliefs attached to the ceremony the wedding vows are any more significant than those made in a civil union? From a religious standpoint the wedding vows are only sacred because they are made before and in the presence of the peoples deity or other faith leader. Is there some other reason why the vows or contract would have any more baring just because of the format?

Still being serious here; I really want to understand because I have no reason not to allow vows for those that wish to make them, I am just somewhat mystified that given an alternative why the overbearing and traditional method would be chosen.

Does a wedding have to have religous overtones to be considered a wedding? The ceremonies I perform have no mention of religion, but are usually done with a gathering of the couples families/friends; the vows they take express their love and commitment to each other, not to a god or other entity. And I have couples who are very specific when they request their vows are just that.
To me, a wedding is simply the act of gathering one's friends and family to share their special day when they do take those vows. It is the act of celebrating their love, and commiting to each other. The wedding is what they bring to it, and what they make of it.
Maybe I should be calling them 'civil unions'; I suspect most of the couples would still call them weddings.

As far as why the "overbearing and traditional" method of marriage would be chosen, I can only speak as a woman. Girls are asked about their "fantasy wedding" ever since they are old enough to think about it. Being married is often touted as the ultimate goal, the marker of adult womanhood. We play with baby dolls, cook on our pretend stoves with pretend dishes, and put Barbie in her wedding dress to marry Ken (or GI Joe, or Sam West, if you had some of my old toys). I'm not commenting on whether it's right or wrong, I'm just observing what *is.* I suppose the question is really that if marriages and weddings are so deeply engraved on the female psyche, why wouldn't she want to participate, even if she doesn't feel the spiritual component? Why wouldn't she want to put on a pretty white dress and walk down the aisle for her wedding? I don't know if it is the same for men, but I have found that men and women often want the same things, even if we go about it differently.

The significance of a wedding vow is largely within those making the vow. A couple can marry in a church and break their vows just as easily as two atheists can. You said, "From a religious standpoint the wedding vows are only sacred because they are made before and in the presence of the peoples deity or other faith leader. " Well, why not ask the opposite question? If atheists believe that there is nothing after death, and that there is no God to fear, the vows that you make to another person had better be serious, because if you break them, you don't get to escape the consequences, and there is no spiritual way to cleanse the guilt. Don't make a promise you don't intend to keep, because you will be very stuck if you don't keep your end of it.

Thank you for that perspective Number Seven. And indeed, in this marriage, it is the woman who is the agnostic which means she is still sitting on the fence about the whole God thing and is not ready to commit to God or to the atheist views. Maybe she just wants to cover all the options to be safe. Who knows, the whole event may cause an awakening in her that will either rouse, or douse, her spirit. I guess I'll let everyone know what happens after the September 19th event.....God's Peace....To`na Wanagi

Thanks to the 3 of you in taking the question serious rather than as insulting.

It makes more sense now why they would chose the one way.

Personally I would just see the JP and be done wit hit if it weren't the religious side. But , now I can put reason to the act for others too now.

I don’t know if this will help anyone but Tom and I lived together for 9 years before we got married. We got married at a las Vegas drive through wedding chapel. That was what I wanted because I am not into ceremonies. Although we do love each other the reason we got married had to do more with tax laws and to protect ourselves if something should happen to one of us. Reverend Ragan

I too am glad some of us realized that Agnostics are still believers, who simply have no logical fact to base or prove their believe system. It is this need for proof that makes it harder for an Agnostic, to commit to a formal religion and why they fit so much better with ULC ministries.

As a whole the premise to ULCM is understanding of ALL belief systems... Agnostics want to believe and need YOU the minister to show them a way.

As for the atheist in the crowd - a assumption can be made that a compromise has been agreed to... No civil ceremony, but no formal church setting too. A nice mix of FAITH in a higher being, whether it is the nature of science and mankind or a God.

I pray that your service to them can be balanced appropriately so that BOTH parties are served well, and that their respective families are likewise committed to the importance of the 'ceremony'.

Blessed Wishes on this endeavor. Should you happen to write a specific 'blessing' for the service - I would love to see it posted for future use by others, should a need arise. It is a fine line you will tread. I am grateful that we have this forum to help.